Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Sometimes i realize i got things worked out and i know my life is going in the right path. i know this because i notice the changes in my life. So here's a little something for you guys. Never let people get to you or bring you down. You have to love yourself in order to believe in yourself. Ignore those who don't believe in you. Prove them wrong. You will conquer the world on your own and you WILL succeed. 

Hope you all have a good day! 

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

At this point.. i do not even know if i'm depressed about all sorts of things. OR if its just me being emotional because i'm on my monthly cycle. tmi sorry.. but it confuses me a lot and i just want to cry my eyes out. Today my mom wrote me a letter and left it on my counter when i got home.. we got in a huge argument and well.. she never writes letters. She wanted to let me know she loves me and cares about me.. how she messed up on how she raised me.. giving me everything i wanted... but i know that wasn't the only mistake she had done.. As a child i got everything i wanted whenever i wanted.. toys, food and clothes.. I never got the kind of love a child should get from their parents.. When i was a teenager.. i was not able to call my mother "bestfriend" like every other girl calls their mom.. My mother was never a person i could open up too.. maybe because she would always say something that would hurt my feelings like "oh you're so stupid stop fucking crying" or "only dumb a** girls cry for stupid shit like that."

It makes me wonder if it was to make me strong..

In someways, i feel like it did but then again.. it didn't. I can never say i had a mother always there for me.. My parents raised me with money. Even though they weren't rich they showed me love by buying me things instead of just showing it to me.. Mmmm.. maybe thats why i have such a bad habit in being spoiled. To be honest i hate being spoiled. It reminds me that i was never really loved by my parents the way i should have been. I feel so horrible for being such a bitch to them but i also feel like its the way i should be.,.. i never really opened up to anyone. Besides two people.. my cousin's girlfriend and my boyfriend.. Everything else i keep inside me bottled up. Sometimes i wish i had a real mom. A mom i can laugh with and tell all my secrets to.. A mom i can cry to and she can just brush her fingers through my hair and tell me it will be okay, That will never happen. Its just a fantasy of mine where i have that kind of mom. My mom is the kind of mom i would never be when i have kids. Im kind of glad shes the way she is.. so i know what not to be like when i have kids of my own. Yeah its depressing but hey.. I am basically used to it.

May 5th 2015

Many people have blogs and persuade me to create one.. but i never thought of actually getting one until now. Oh well. Where do i even begin? I don't even like writing or typing whatever this is. I am just sitting here writing since i have nothing to do with my life. At this point i am jobless. I am not attending school. Is this what blogging is about? hmm. idk i'm new at this so dont judge me. Should i just tell you about myself? I guess thats where i will start. My name is...well.. its Nadia. I am one hundred percent mexican. I am almost 20 years old with no life wow. jk i do kind of have a life.

Yeah.. but hey i am trying. I guess i have a somewhat sucky life. Having parents who tell me they love me, yet treat me like shit. i do have a boyfriend who loves me very much though. anyways... I have had a rough childhood. And i think i need to let it all out.. i never really had someone to talk to.. so hopefully i can talk to anyone who is on here. Btw no weirdos please. aha no really im serious. That is why i am keeping my real name and real information a secret. There are too many people out here in this world with sick minds doing the most horrible shit to innocent people. 

ANYWAYS.... well i had a pretty cool day today if you even wanted to know.... Should i just call this my diary? I mean it seems like it is. You probably already noticed i suck at writing. i mean i am mexican for the love of god. Spanish was my first language. So please do not come at me with some bs about my writing just saying! Wait. where was i oh yeah! Funny thing is todays Cinco De Mayo. And if you dont know thats something mexicans celebrate. Yeah i just know it has to do with a war between the french and mexico. i think. But thats its for now i will be back to spill my life out to you guys whoever is readying this. So ttyl! Happy CINCO DE MAYO!

ps. later as in a few hours. lol